Jag Venugopal's Blog

June 23, 2009

The Reaction If Someone Declared Indian Grads Unemployable

Filed under: India — Jag @ 2:28 pm
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Recently, the Indian CEO of HCL Technologies had a severe case of “foot in the mouth” disease when he declared “most American technology grads are unemployable“. I decided to imagine what would have happened if a US Tech CEO (Freddy Flintstone, CEO of TechInc) came to, say, Mumbai, and grandly declared that most Indian grads are unemployable. Here’s my take:

The utterances of Freddy Flintstone were roundly condemned in Parliament as another example of racism — members across the political spectrum saw this as strong evidence of the western countries trying to put down the emergence of India by denigrating its achievements.

The CPI(M) commented in its newspaper that this was yet another instance of cultural imperialism unleashed by the oppresive American nation, and that the proletariat of India must stand up and loudly declare that such denigration of Indian intellectuals will not be taken lying down. The politburo of the CPI(M) further stated that India had lost all self-respect when it aligned with the US and concluded various treaties, including the Nuclear Deal. It saw this statement as the latest manifestation of US hegemony. They stated that this would never have happened if India had instead aligned itself with China.

Mulayam Singh Yadav of the Samajwadi Party declared that every Indian grad would have been employable if only India did not have computers, and was not subservient to the English language.  He stated “There would be so much work to do by hand in all offices that not only would all Indian grads have been employed, we would have had to import graduates from Bangladeshi universities to meet the demand”.

The Sangh Parivar stated that India ought not to depend upon western teconology and computers, and instead, needed to design and develop its own computing systems based on ancient vedic principles, using Sanskrit as the programming language. The BJP has decided to organize a boycott of Intel, AMD and Microsoft as a means of retaliation. Further, the party stated that its IT manifesto would include deployment of Linux on the Nokia 810 tablet in all central government offices.

Members of the Akhil Bharatiya Vidyarthi Parishad called a week-long strike of all colleges in the country as a sign of protest. For good measure, they burned effigies of Freddy Flintstone, Steve Ballmer, Bill Gates and Larry Ellison all across college campuses in Mumbai. (For the record, some students complained that the strikes were organized to postpone semester-ending examinations, which were scheduled to have started this week; however they refused to go on camera).

The Shiv Sena issued a notice to TechInc to shut down all facilities in Mumbai. Shiv Sainiks led by FlavorOfTheDay Thackeray went to the TechInc office in Mumbai, destroyed their data center, and caused grave bodily harm to a visiting employee from a foreign office (he has been admitted to Jaslok Hospital, where he is said to be out of danger). In addition, they burned a number of Ford, Chevrolet and Opel cars to signify their disapproval of the American companies that made them (it is reported that all the owners of these cars were Indian, but that’s a small matter).

The Prime Minister issued an appeal for calm, and to not let such utterances disrupt Indian society. The American ambassador was called in to the External Affairs Ministry and told in no uncertain terms that Indian grads were very much employable. The Ambassador, in return, mumbled something about Freddy Flintstone being misquoted, and how highly his nation thought of Indian students’ employment prospects upon graduation.

Narasimha Reddy, an “agent” in the Ameerpet area of Hyderabad had the final word — “All this talk of Indian grads being unemployable is nonsense. I can provide you a degree certificate from the IITs, which will assure you an instant job offer and an H1B from the US consulate in Chennai. Money back guarantee, only Rs. 10,000”.

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