Jag Venugopal's Blog

October 18, 2011

What to do if you’re an imprisoned Indian politician? Develop chest pain

Filed under: India — Jag @ 6:28 am

Indians’ tolerance for corruption finally seems to have run out. And so it is that politicians of all hues are being marched off to jail, pending criminal investigation of their doings.

What are you supposed to do if you’re a politician that has lived off the fat of the land for many years? Indian jails are not exactly luxury accommodations. Besides, there is the stigma of a once-great government man or woman slumming with common criminals.

The way out is simple! Develop chest pains. Once the prisoner complains of chest pains, the jail authorities get really worried. You see, they don’t want said politician’s supporters rioting if the complaints are true and the imprisoned politician dies of a heart attack. What they end up doing is to take the prisoner to the best ward in the local government hospital.

The imprisoned politician is now in his own room, waited hand and foot by the hospital staff, and has every whim and fancy met. His behavior may be criminal, but using this strategy, he can avoid association with common criminals. And the beauty of feigning chest pain is that there’s no way to disprove it.

What is to be done if the court decides that you are fit enough to go back to jail, based on doctors’ reports? Elementary! Claim a different ailment. Repeat as necessary.

Here are some recent examples of what I describe above:

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